pathetic me

something bad happened last nite...something really bad...i was so frustrated and pissed off at the same time..saya fikir saya cuma perlu melayan perangai angin dia yg tak tentu hala itu sahaja..tapi rupanya lebih dari itu...i thought that superstitious thing was bad enough, but there is more to my expectation..
when she came back from work,i've expected to see her gloomy face,i took a deep breath and tried my very best to talk some sense in her..despite the fact that i myself jauh hati dgn sikap dia..what did i do wrong...? i did nothing but i have to play the part as the guilty one..somehow, i manage to console her and make her smile again..but only for a while.
while we were making love...which is not in my 'to-do-list'...in the middle of the game,she suddenly stood up and turn the light on...dissapointed to such turn-off, and puzzled at the same time, i asked her 'why...what happened...?' she gave me the killing look and asked me with so much hatred in her eyes.. 'awk main ngan sape hah sampai awk punye 'tuttt' jd mcm tu ?!!' i was speechless...why this...? why now? why me?
'jadi mcm mana...? saya tak buat ape2 pun lah....'
'habis tu knp jadi mcm tu...?'
that is the the question that made me look like a dumb-ass for a while...how am i supposed to answer that when i dont even have a clue how to answer it...i did nothing...she accused me fucked wif someone else....and she refused to believe me even when i swear to God that i didnt do such thing. berat sangat tuduhan dia tu...i felt like crying, felt like screaming at the same time...she did not believe a word i said...she kept pushing me to confess to the thing that i didnt do. the thing which never occured in my head. how am i supposed to confess to the thing that i didnt do n dont even know why that 'thing' became 'melecet' as she claimed..i was helpless to defend myself....
and now, she wont believe every single thing that i said, she wont listen to me...and i..became the pathetic me..pleading for her to believe me,while she's too ignorant to even look into my pleading eyes...as usual.....
i really hate myself for being too weak..defeated by my own emotion...too blind to see that im torturing my feeling in order to please her's.