pathetic me

something bad happened last nite...something really bad...i was so frustrated and pissed off at the same time..saya fikir saya cuma perlu melayan perangai angin dia yg tak tentu hala itu sahaja..tapi rupanya lebih dari itu...i thought that superstitious thing was bad enough, but there is more to my expectation..
when she came back from work,i've expected to see her gloomy face,i took a deep breath and tried my very best to talk some sense in her..despite the fact that i myself jauh hati dgn sikap dia..what did i do wrong...? i did nothing but i have to play the part as the guilty one..somehow, i manage to console her and make her smile again..but only for a while.
while we were making love...which is not in my 'to-do-list'...in the middle of the game,she suddenly stood up and turn the light on...dissapointed to such turn-off, and puzzled at the same time, i asked her 'why...what happened...?' she gave me the killing look and asked me with so much hatred in her eyes.. 'awk main ngan sape hah sampai awk punye 'tuttt' jd mcm tu ?!!' i was speechless...why this...? why now? why me?
'jadi mcm mana...? saya tak buat ape2 pun lah....'
'habis tu knp jadi mcm tu...?'
that is the the question that made me look like a dumb-ass for a while...how am i supposed to answer that when i dont even have a clue how to answer it...i did nothing...she accused me fucked wif someone else....and she refused to believe me even when i swear to God that i didnt do such thing. berat sangat tuduhan dia tu...i felt like crying, felt like screaming at the same time...she did not believe a word i said...she kept pushing me to confess to the thing that i didnt do. the thing which never occured in my head. how am i supposed to confess to the thing that i didnt do n dont even know why that 'thing' became 'melecet' as she claimed..i was helpless to defend myself....
and now, she wont believe every single thing that i said, she wont listen to me...and i..became the pathetic me..pleading for her to believe me,while she's too ignorant to even look into my pleading eyes...as usual.....
i really hate myself for being too weak..defeated by my own emotion...too blind to see that im torturing my feeling in order to please her's.

superstitious

do people really believed in superstitious thing..? palm-reading, prediction and all...?
i know some ppl take it as a matter of entertainment, not taking it seriously...some ppl dont even remember what the prediction are...but not to mention,there are also ppl who take it as a serious matter..it is so unfair ..what more if it involve a realtionship..we cannot tell what's gonna happen in the future...that is a fact that we cant deny..but yet there are still some bunch of shallow-minded person who really clinging to all this prediction...and what is even worse, my partner is one of that shallow-minded person...too sad to be true. how i wish she's not..
what happen is...she told me just now that there is some 'pakcik' who came to her workplace...this 'pakcik' is some sort of 'pandai baca punye org' and she asked that pakcik to 'telek' our compatibility...i was dumbstruck for a moment. not because of the fact that she asked that 'pakcik' to 'telek' our compatibility...but her reaction to the outcome is really upsetting me...from the tone of her voice, i know that she's really bothered by what the 'pakcik' said...i asked her what did he say, but she said that she'll tell me tonite. i know that our relationship is getting worse each and passing day..and this is not the perfect timing to adding salt to the cut....i was so upset...i know tonite im gonna face another stressfull night..more drama and misunderstanding to come...im fucking hate to explain the same thing over and over again to her that i really2 do love her..

first time

dis is my 1st time blogging..i've been longing to blog since long time ago..it's just that i dont have the time to do so..slalu dok baca blog org jer..it's interesting to read other people story n experience without knowing the person in real life...for me, the word is so real..so sincere n came out directly from one's heart..ye lah...no boundry at all...u can blog about anything in this world n yet no one gonna condemn u far what u wrote..nak meluah perasaan ker, lepas geram ke, sakit ati ke, kongsi perasaan yg tersirat ke or merely just to 'merapu' pasal bnda remeh temeh..
i admit..as for person like me, blogging can save me from going insane..why do i say so...? because im a type of person who felt more comfortable keeping things to myself..i tend to 'memendam perasaan' rather than share anything wif others..even wif person who are so dear to me..when im mad or upset..i mean really2 upset ,words only linger in my mind...so much to say, so much to tell but yet its only in my mind...i wud stay silent to prevent things from getting bad n the other party wouldn't understand how upset i am over the situation as i didnt say exactly how i feel..n i just let it go without realising that i actually still not letting it go.somehow,in my heart kept thinking how or why it happened..its like a 'time bomb waiting to explode...sooner or later i'll go insane...i bet i will..so, wif this blog i hope to share my feeling or at least lift my burden a bit..klu x boleh selesaikan masalah tu pun at least xde la terasa sedih sgt..ade gak tmpat nak meluah perasaan..
too soon to tell everything 'bout my life...next time will do..till then,have a good day