stop sign

rindu?
knp mulut senang je berkata sedangkan perkataan yg diucapkan tu x selari dgn ape yg ade dlm hati? lumrah manusia mmg mcm tu ke...atau manusia yg aku kenal & syg ni shj yg spesel, punya kebolehan berkata2 dgn niat utk menyedapkan hati aku semata2 ? dan aku yg bebal ni masih percaya walaupun bulat2 dah terbukti dpn mata. seorang teman yg dulunya penah rapat berkata, "it's about time. u're in the middle of the turning point in ur life..either u make a turn to another direction, or u'll stuck there forever, going tru the same thing over n over again". aku pilih utk lalui jalan yg sama, dgn harapan akan bertemu cahaya di penghujung jalan. teman tu pun dah penat dan fed up melihat kebodohan aku, n makin lama die pun makin menjauh dari hidup aku yg penuh dgn harapan palsu ni...aku x salahkan teman aku tu, sbb aku fhm knp die buat mcm tu.

kali ni ianya berulang lagi..sama mcm yg dulu2, kali ni pun aku digula2kan dgn mcm2 alasan x munasabah utk menutup perbuatan die. hati aku kosong. aku rase kosong. penat menangis dan berfikir "kenapa" barangkali. adakah ini petanda aku patut berhenti dr meneruskan perjalanan ini?

hilang

die dah ilang..selama ni die ade je
rindu ngn telatah die..suke gesel2
walaupun gemuk n debab..kuat makan,tp ttp cumel
sy syg die T_T

dulu..blk dr mane2 die akan sambut kt muke pintu
blk penat2 pun, penat tu mst hilang biler tgk muka die
die pndai amik ati saye
saye slalu xleh nk marah die lame2

saye tatau sejak biler saye syg die
perasaan tu dtg sendiri n yg pasti makin lama makin kuat
saye slalu rase resah kalau pg mane2 n tinggalkan die kat rumah
walau saye tau die pandai jaga diri sendiri..tp saye ttp risaukan die

kalau saye sedih saye akan peluk die dan cerita sume masalah saye pd die
kadang2 die wat x dengar..
tp selalu die akan tgk muke sy..penuh perhatian
tu pun dah cukup buat saye..x perlu die ckp ape2

tp sekarang die dah xde
saye xtau die pg mane
saye sgt2 rindukan die
saye risau keadaan die..mst die pun rindukan saye
walaupun sy dah ade pengganti..tp x same dgn die
perasaan syg tu x sama mcm saye syg die

saye akan tetap tggu die
die bukan sekadar kucing kesayangan saye
tp lebih dr tu

it's over

i never tot it wud end dis way
u were screaming
i was screaming
we were screaming to each other
but nobody listen to anybody

i dont knw how to deal with it
how am i gonna live
how am i gonna breath
how am i gonna sleep
knowing dat u r not here anymore

well, im started to sound pathetic
i had to move on..i know i had to
but i dunno how?

its crazy
i really love you
but i cant stand you

-enuff said-

from her :-)

aku cinta pdmu yang..
ssguhnya cint a itu indah..bia la kite ddtgi bbagai dugaan, suka & duka..
namun ku tahu cintamu memberi 1001 kebahagiaan yg tak penah aku rasakan..
aku sedar manusia takkan mati tanpa cinta,
tp aku hidup bersama semangat cintamu syg..
tanpa semangat n kasih syg yg kau berikan..siapa la aku

mata bengkak

pg ni g keje mata bengkak..sbb mlm td nangis bnyk sgt sampai tertidur...mmg x sedar ape..coz i was so drunk..
i was like insane..drinking n crying at the same time...gosh..dunno how it can end up that way..

maybe i was just being too emotional..making a big fuss over nothing
she hates me so much to the extend she doesnt even bother to talk to me
she ignored me the whole night...she never did that before
i cant see the love in her eyes..i cant felt it no more

is it the end for both of us..?
no....!!! i dont want it to happen
i dont wanna loose her
i am not gonna loose her
i cant...i just cant

please...dont leave me
please dont hate me..
please dont deny me..
im begging u
plese....

pagi yang cerah

saya bangun pagi nie dgn hati yg tenang
dgn senyuman di wajah
dgn harapan utk hari yang mendatang

sekilas sy pandang wajahnya
lena sungguh tidur nya
seolah dia mendapat ketenangan yg hakiki dlm mimpinya

saya belai rambutnya
macam yg selalu sy lakukan
sy usap pipinya
sy pegang tangannya
tiba2 hati saya jadi sayu
mampu kah sy hidup tanpanya
mampukah sy bangun dgn senyuman ni tanpa dia di sisi
mampukah sy gembira bila dia tiada lg

mata sy tiba2 bergenang
tp tiada air yang berlinang
tangannya makin erat sy genggam
seolah2 x mampu sy lepaskan

saya cium lembut keningnya
dia masih lena tanpa kata
tidak juga membuka mata
tiba2 dia merangkul sy dalam dakapannya
lalu membisikkan di telinga
'i love u syg'

sy x mampu berkata2
kerana tiada kata2 yg sesuai
utk menggambarkan perasaan sy terhadapnya
betapa sygnya sy kepadanya

hanya harapan yg mampu sy luahkan
semoga pagi yg cerah ini
membawa seribu sinar kepada kami
agar perasaan ini tidak akan pernah mati

burning

have u ever felt that u are constantly losing hope and no matter what u're doing is still not enough..u tried so hard to prove something that u believe will make u happy for the rest of your life..that if u try hard enough things will turn out exactly the way u expected..you actually want to prove to ur own self that u're making the right choice to the extent that u completely neglected ur own feeling, but yet it still not enough..frustrating eh?



it never occured to me before that i'm a kind of person who does not easily give up on things that i really2 want..i never realized it before..often i heard/read that arian never ever easily give up, that they had really amazing 'fighting spirit'..im an arian, but i never paid much attention to that fact..i was like, really...? nah..i dont think so..come to think about it again,i had to agree to that coz im beginning to realise that i had done so much just to get what i want..n what i really want the most rite now is for her to trust me..often it shattered me into pieces but then my inner need is much more stronger than the sadness i felt inside..she may really2 hurt me but as long as her trust is still my priority, i can do just about anything to gain her trust..


i wanted so much to change my life..hoping that eventually things will turn out good and i manage to lead a happy life wif sumone i love...the one i love is the most important thing in my life to the extent that i abandoned my own feeling..it's not that im not happy rite now..im happy and i really do...it's just that sometimes she can turn really mean and starts acusing me to the things that i did not do...and each time she said that she didn't believe me..it really kills me..coz i've tried so hard to please her..to show that she really is important to me..people said that one can forgive but never forget...but believe me, i actually choose to forgive...and to forget...i dont want to remember the things that can make me sad..i just want to keep the things that make me happy and content..so that i can always think of her with smiles on my face..not tears in my eyes..that's how i keep my love for her..only with sweet memories of me n her.


i'm beginning to realize that love alone is not enough...a complete package of happiness comes with mutual understanding, respect each other and most miportantly...TRUST....


love without trust is a living hell..having to deal with it makes me lost hope...